I spent a lot of time in darkness, focused on things I couldn’t change but for some strong reason, I thought I was responsible for. I had a hard time growing up. I didn’t understand the circumstances I was given, or why loved ones chose the paths they did. I really struggled and blamed myself. “Why wasn’t I good enough?” “Why would they do that if they loved me?” I was lost. I didn’t know who to trust, and no one seemed to understand or think they could change it. That was hard for me to accept. I’ve always had a strong will, but when it feels like you’ve lost your shot at having the things you need in life to be okay, dark thoughts tend to enter.
As you might imagine, I developed some strong and protective yet destructive coping skills and made a lot of mistakes. Those "coping skills" lead me away from who I truly was. And those mistakes lead to trauma that significantly impacted my thoughts and decisions. I had lost myself years ago and I didn't even know that it had happened.
Covid was hard. Heck, life before Covid was hard. I was struggling in my relationships, finances, barely hanging on to sanity as I plugged through to maintain my job, keep my dad safe and healthy, and continue to push through the challenges to get out of the situation I was in. I was grieving and trying to survive.
There were times I thought, “how much can someone take before it all just falls apart?”. I finally started listening to that voice in my head. That voice told me that, “Its okay that you’re not happy and feel like you’re failing (in life), you haven’t been doing what you’re meant to do (purpose)”. It was the biggest AHA moment I needed to really start listening. Of course I wasn’t happy, I was following the path others had set as expectations for me, not my own. I really needed to start listening to my heart and gut and get OUT of my head where everyone’s criticism and control paralyzed me.
Once I started, I couldn’t stop. I found passion, purpose, and through allll the struggles, trauma, and heartache, I found me. I found my calling. I used to tell myself that our creator must have something special in store for me, because oh was I being tested. And it was true.
I’m a dedicated, passionate, heart-led soul that is unwilling to allow the circumstances to take my will, or my life. And it is my mission to help others find that too. I know that you’re deserving and ready to unleash the mask, and the pain that has been overshadowing the beauty that is hiding underneath it. No matter how many layers are covering that beauty, I will help you find it, because it’s still there waiting for you.