It took me losing everything. The man I planned to spend my life with. My step-daughter. The dream home in the country. The safety and security of companionship and financial stability. Hope. Health. Any glimpse of how my future would be anything more than the emptiness it had become. It didn’t happen overnight. It was week after week and month after month of hanging on by sheer will to hold onto what I had, before there was nothing left of me.
I gave up on my relationship, my future, on myself. If you’ve ever lost trust in yourself after giving everything you’ve had to save something, to lose it in the end, you’ve felt that pain. I couldn’t believe how far I’d let myself get. The vulnerability and outpouring of love and begging to meet me halfway, for, nothing. I felt pathetic.
Blegh. It still makes me sick to my stomach when I think of that time. But I also no longer recognize that girl that I was.
I tried everything. That’s what I thought and told myself at least. The truth is, I tried everything that I knew how to do at the time. There was A LOT that I hadn’t tried. I just didn’t know I had other options. No one ever taught me.
It didn’t help that I had a mentally and physically ill parent who was putting all of their responsibilities on me. I was so deep (in what I later learned was codependency) that I couldn’t see straight. It was the type of codependency where you believe that you are responsible for this other persons welfare, happiness, and you fear what will happen if you don’t do everything they ask. Its brutal.
WHEEEEEEEW. If you’re still on the dark side of this like I was, please join me over here where laughter comes easy and pain just vanishes.
My first step? Connecting with myself and intuition. Without this initial phase of my healing journey, I don’t think I ever would have gotten to the next step. Synchronicity was such a powerful guide at this time in my life and it was the eye-opener I needed to realize that I had been stuck in a bubble lacking
perspective and the ability to see the opportunity around me.
Two years later I’m excelling in my career, have the most incredible business where I get to do what I’m most passionate about, have a loving relationship where we’re ready to take the next steps in marriage and children, have a great relationship with my mother (I didn’t think I’d ever see the day) and healthy boundaries in place with others who maybe still like to test me now and again. And best of all, I have a heart that is full and open to love, to give and receive, and the opportunities in life are endless. I never dreamed that any of this could be possible. Yet, I took one step forward and it led me here.
I hope the same for you.
If you’re feeling stuck, here’s a few tips to get your started and shake loose from that gnawing pain in your heart, mind, and body.
When I’m dealing with something incredibly difficult that I cannot shake emotionally, I ALWAYS turn to this self-reflection and connection technique. First ask yourself: What emotion am I feeling? Write it down in your journal. Identify the true emotion. Google a list of emotions to help you get clear and specific. Next, ask yourself, where is this coming from? EMPTY OUT completely, whatever comes to mind. No judgement. No filters. No excuses. Let it all out of paper. Yes, write it down.
In need of clarity? Put down the booze. Put down the cookies. Put down the weed or whatever your vice is. If you are constantly stuffing your body with emotional altering substances (yes this includes food) to numb and dissociate from the problem, stop consuming things that block clarity. Clarity is what will help you envision the possibilities you’re currently not seeing and realize what you need to do next without all of the muddled monkey mind in the way.
Don’t have time? Maybe your job, spouse, kids, parents, friends, etc. are taking all of your time and you’re saying to yourself, who has the time to focus on themselves? Is going to the grocery store a priority? The gym? Going out with the girls/guys every weekend night? Spending your Sunday’s hungover? That job that you hate? If you don’t make yourself a priority, NO ONE will. You choose what is a priority in your life, and your behaviors determine the results. Make time for yourself so you can stop being miserable, feeling life crap, and not getting what you want and deserve.
Lastly, this stuff isn’t necessarily fun right out of the gate. I get that. I used to run from it myself for the majority of my life. So, what’s my secret now? Why do I run towards it? Because I learned techniques to help fast-forward through it where it only takes maybe a few days or a few weeks (if it’s a hefty one) instead months and months, years, or decades. AND I know that on the other side, a beautiful fulfilling space in my life is waiting.
I hope you’re having an incredible new year thus far and you’re inviting abundance into your world!
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I took this picture when I used to spend my mornings on the Polly Ann Trail in Leonard, MI. It started out as exercise but quickly turned into my meditation hour walking or jogging through the woods, connecting with nature, and in turn myself and ultimately Spirit. My favorite part was getting to my halfway point when the sun was rising in the East. It created the most beautiful sunrises over the fields. I love this picture because it reminds me that the path is not always lit and clear, but I must go inside, to find the answers and grow to reach the other side.